Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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