Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
