Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
