just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
