Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
