Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I FOUND THE LEGS
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize