girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
