I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
