I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I love having hate sex.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
