just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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