my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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