Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
