She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
