Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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