How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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