Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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