What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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