His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Someone came in the potted fern
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
