haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Randomize
