i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
