Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
