Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
