Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
