Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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