I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
