I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize