it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I have tasted many bathrooms
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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