thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize