Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
