I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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