someone threw a dead crab at me
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
