Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
