me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
