My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
