I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
