I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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