I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
