Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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