watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
