Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
