I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
