The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
