You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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