I just gift wrapped bread.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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