Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
