there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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