Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
