there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize