apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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