i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
