We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
