i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Who put my cat in the fridge?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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