I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
