not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
