You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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