We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
