Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
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