I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
