I accidentally burped into my bong.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize