What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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