The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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