things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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