i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
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