I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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