Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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