i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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