Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
