Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
