She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
How's work?
Spinning.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
