dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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