Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
