finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
