All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
