clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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