Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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