Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
