Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
