I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
