it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
