Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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