Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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