You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
