also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
