Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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