Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i barfeds in our rink
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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