My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
What a dumb baby whore.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
