Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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