So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize