I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
