The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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