My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
do herpes really smell.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
